Amir (album): Yo! Alright, here we go. Here we go. Oh, okay. Turn my mic up actually. I spent like a bad amount of money for this recording session and my mic isn’t even up!
Caboose: Not my fault.
Tucker: Absolutely your fault.
Red vs Blue Season 11 premieres June 14.
This is awesome because June 14 is my birthday. Thank you Rooster Teeth for giving me the best birthday present ever…of all time.
Jake: You in high school with Dane Cook.
Amir: The Dane-Train. Ha ha ha. Sufi.
Amir: You take one down. You pass it around-
Jake: My grandfather needs that oxygen tank to survive. You went up to him during dessert and you said “Hey scubba Steve, let me take that tank for a test swim”. You ripped all of the tubes out of his nose, stuck them up your butt, and farted. How do you live with yourself?
Jake: Security came to escort you out. You got down on your knees and begged Karen for just one of her Cock Futures. You said “I’m sure my dad would be dissapointed to see me groveling, but the look in his eyes when I show him I’m the certified owner of a Cock Future will surely erase twenty-eight years of disapproval.
Amir: I’m a coward and a fool.
Amir: How ‘bout I got the bitch? How ‘bout I got the bitch back?
Jake: So then from inside the meeting we heard you threaten to make your face red until you passed out, which I guess you did because nobody heard from you for thirty minutes.
Amir: Yeah, which felt like a second on your end.
Jake: Right, because you had stopped breathing.
Amir: Yeah, for like a second on my end.
Jake: Yes on your end, but for like thirty minutes in real life.
Jake: You then pissed yourself, and you were dragged out of the meeting a second time while screaming “THE AUDACITY OF NOPE!” which sound like some weird Tea party slogan.
Amir: Yeah I’m a member.
Amir: HA! So you mean to tell me that if I stand up and take off my shirt and yell that “I’M A HUGE PERVERT! I’M A PEDOPHILE AND A PERVERT!” that doesn’t help cure your little disease?
Jake: Right. Yeah. That’s part of me #%*@ing with you.